So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
