Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize