the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
