just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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