You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I can't put those talents on a resume
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
