Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
All the doctor said was why
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
