so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
