You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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