My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Vodka?
Forever.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize