If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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