The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Randomize
