two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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