The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
