I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
