Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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