After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
