after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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