pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Randomize
