He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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