I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Randomize
