How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
The struggles of a small town man whore
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