i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
