oh god the rape fog is back!
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
