his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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