She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
