i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Randomize
