dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
