I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
