apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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