whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
