I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
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