I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i permit you to call me
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
we should paint friendship bongs
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