You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize