Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
