i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Randomize
