is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
