So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
