youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
