Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
