Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
