so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
