oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
