i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
