I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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