I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize