I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
