I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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