i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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