go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
