so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
