i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
