im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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