Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
