I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
