i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize