So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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