im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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