Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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