No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
